good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
