Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
