i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
