a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
