My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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