If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
