I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
