I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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