sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
