Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
