she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
