When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
