Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
