I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
