How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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