barbara walters just said penis...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
