are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
