i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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