did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
