kristin has been a bad kristin
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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