I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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