i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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