Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
