Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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