forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
