don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
