U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize