I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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