My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
sarcasm needs its own font
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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