where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Welp...herpes.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
