Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
this is an emotional support booty call
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
