Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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