So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I know her cup size but not her name....
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize