I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize