the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
