Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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