she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
