just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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