Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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