Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
