Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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