got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
