Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
