A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
