I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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