you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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