Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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