You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
