So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
