Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize