I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
