apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize