every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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