i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
what is it with giant penises always finding me
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize