You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
