they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
