You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
‎"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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