At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
