i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
