Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
