You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My legs feel like baby dolphins
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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