i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
