Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
