Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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