so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
