you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Randomize
