I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
