you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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