She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
