Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
