My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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