I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
