Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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