Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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