he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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