when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It was confusing and full of hummus
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
