Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
