yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
ttyl tear gas
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The struggles of a small town man whore
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
