im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
