Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
