maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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