why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
