I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I believe in your delicious
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
