It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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