So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
they're like a gay fantastic four
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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